I could have mohawked her pubes.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
