I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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