She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
