they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
