don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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