Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
