He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize