She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
