Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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