I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
