Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
