if you like me you must not know who I am
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
