for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Couch. On fire.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
