you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There's even glitter on my cock...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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