he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
