my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
