We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
