Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
