Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
