I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
