At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize