there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
