Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
