You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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