I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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