Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
