If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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