Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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