If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize