its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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