It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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