i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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