I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
