I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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