I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
