need another drink. this is the easiest way
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
