I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
