im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize