look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
