Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
