i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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