Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
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