Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
well you can't waste a boner
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
