Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
