if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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