My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize