i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
