I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
