I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
