He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
