My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
