So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
