hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
