Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize