I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
