hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
