She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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