1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
