Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
