There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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