Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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