yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he fucked my hip out of place.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
