grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
