i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
