ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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