i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
