I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
