I wannas sexs uuuuu
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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