Already got asked if we're dating
I am midnight drunk by noon
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize