I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
