i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
