i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
