Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
did i walk over a car last night?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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