so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
