I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
