it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
